Mariska Hargitay from ‘Law & Order :Special Victims Unit’ shows lots of assertiveness. I love her work!
I had a wonderful afternoon coffee with an incredible friend today. They are brilliant, extremely successful, growing very quickly and their social enterprise helps thousands of people every year build incredible lives.
Whenever I meet with *Sarah* (in protecting her identity), I always get so inspired by her journey and the achievements she has created in her own life.
Today’s topic was us collectively exploring the concept of ‘Assertiveness’ and how it’s an incredible skill to allow us to live in freedom.
We were both sharing stories about how we have been in situations that we didn’t like. Although there may have been an oppressor / external party doing the damage, I have many instances where I failed to be assertive where I just got walked over.
I am of course slightly shamed of all that and in the past 6 – 12 months I have been building my own assertiveness. It’s made my life easier, made me happier and enabled me to better the wonderful community I am blessed to be surrounded by.
Firstly, I think it’s important to unpack and understand exactly what it’s mean. It’s often incorrectly conflated with ‘aggression’ and ‘anger’. After doing some research, I found a perfect unpacking on the “Better Health Channel” as part of the Victorian State Government:
- Being assertive means communicating with others in a direct and honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone’s feelings.
- Direct communication can reduce conflict, build self-confidence and enhance personal and work relationships.
- Assertiveness is a skill that anyone can learn.
I love this unpacking of the concept and I like to look at this from the opposite point of view. Let’s say we are in a business situation where we don’t feel good and fail to communicate how we feel.
The odds of us being dominated, controlled and I hate to say it but must; “SCREWED” goes up dramatically. It also creates a situation where tension builds and at times it can create situations where things blow up.
I have learned that it’s critical to build our own sense of assertiveness and for me it’s been a life long journey. As my business has gone to the next level too lately; I have been forced to build these skills big time.
It’s been a liberating experience in that as I have built this skill, I have better quality of relationships and I have been able to help coach others to develop the same trait. You also start to unlock you who really are and your sense of ‘self’ comes to the surface.
My advice and thinking? Build your skills by applying it. Get over your own fears of holding back and start speaking up in situations you are not enjoying. Don’t get angry, don’t be frustrated; just chill and communicate.
When you do this, most people then start to back off on you and treat you with more respect. As you do it more, you shall get better and better at it which shall lead to many wonderful things to come.
I love your work, thank you *Sarah* for the inspirational talk. You help keep me in the zone!
P.S. Thank you to my friends at the Victorian Government. Great unpacking! (You did the hard work for me). I also wanted to give a special nod to Mariska Hargitay (who is an awesome actress) from the wonderful Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. She plays a very assertive character who controls difficult situations with strong communication.
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