Okay, Okay – You Got Me. I will admit it. I am a competitive schmuck. I hate coming in second. I hate people beating me.
I hate feeling like a “loser” and others getting the drop on me. I rarely feel anything against the people that “Beat Me” as I usually take it out on myself. What really riles me is that when I try my best and I don’t get the results I am expecting. It really bugs me and sometimes I honestly get “Bummed Out” when I go out to achieve something and I don’t get it. I really enjoy Currency Trading, in that you basically take short-term speculations and capture profit that way. Being a form of “Professional Gambling” it works by that you have the edge in your favour – you have wins and losses, but your profit is ahead.
I have been working consistently at this for about 3 years and so far I am consistently profitable. Over the past year or more, I have only been doing it on a very slow part-time basis but am nicely ahead. I am getting there, but I am still not where I want to me in terms of my competence and skill. Many people never get this far at it, some lose fortunes and from what I can gather it usually takes people about 4 – 8 years to get it right and become a competent trader (assuming they actually make it – most drop off).
So from that perspective, of the people that make it in trading – I am with the class. In fact, one of the top traders I know took about 10 years to get there (after losing tens of thousands of dollars before hand). I am certainly doing better than that! But here is what I don’t like. Some people I know, have just picked it up in like 1 – 2 years. That is, they have just powered through it and are doing amazingly well in this time, while I am still uncertain and although consistently profitable – no where near their performance.
At university I got a HD average and am very used to being a top performer. But in this case, I am really a “C – B” level student – and I hate it. Whenever I hear of the people doing well, I don’t feel anything against them – but I get all tense and just think “What am I doing wrong?” So in other words, my trading is going at the speed of most people who make it – but I constantly feel like a “Loser” and “Bad” about all the “Time I have wasted”. This is okay to motivate, but it’s a problem for me in that it’s blocking me truly nailing it and slowing me down.
In fact, my own psychology about trading and my own fear of “Failing” is slowing me down! If I just could’t have got over it sooner, I would have been miles ahead. There you go – I am even beating myself up while writing this blog!
This is I accept a weakness that I possess, but when I have discussed this problem with other people – I am hardly alone. I noticed many of my friends and colleagues feel exactly the same way at times.
Be it in different areas, I have friends with similar examples including:
– My own business example – “Shirley, Mike, Jarratt and Andrew can Trade better than me. Therefore I suck”.
– My old desperately trying friend – “I really try my best to meet my future husband and I am a good honest person. I work out and make the first move – but men just want me for one thing”.
– An old colleague not reaching their career goals – “No matter how hard I work or what I achieve, I still don’t get the pay of others – nor any recognition from head office”.
– My good friend who got retrenched from his job – “I have been too so many interviews and no one wants to take me. I don’t think anyone likes me and it hurts to see other people get hired before me”.
– My good friend from an older company – “I have been working for years in this industry and people just don’t take me seriously. I really know what I am on about and I am sick of people disregarding what I am saying”.
– A friend who wasn’t fat at all – “I feel so fat and unattractive. No matter what I eat it really shows and I just can’t control myself”.
– An old uni friend who just couldn’t do exams – “For me it’s lambs to the slaughter. I just freeze up exams and I am just a loser at this uni course”.
I can come up with dozens more and I realized that the way I feel is very common for almost anyone. That is, it’s easy to pick an area in your life and just feel like you are “Inadequate”, “Hopefully”, “Suck”, “Stupid” or just “Have No Idea”. I think at times we all feel like this, especially if you are a driven individual looking for something new. A little bit of “This Feeling” is good, because it gives you drive – but an excess of it can really destroy performance. Well – at least it shows that you are care! But still, if you are like me in this regard – I ask you to try and stop “Beating Yourself Up”. Just think about what you need to do to improve things. Both my own trading mentors Jarratt Davis & Vic Noble say exactly the same thing that I think makes perfect sense:
– “Run Your Own Race”
Certainly can’t disagree with that! * Thanks to Alex Proimos from Flickr for the statue image.
One response
Hi Edward, you and the blog readers might like to try Feeling Good by David Burns. It’s a book for winners and people like you and me. I raised by my self esteem by a lot after reading it. Your blog is great, I enjoyed it.