I have a bit 
of an Inferiority Complex. Yep – I said it. In writing, so you have proof that I said it. One thing that I have realized in myself is that if I am working in an area and someone is way better than me – I tend to “Shut Down” and think along the lines:
– If I am not the best, it means I am pathetic and worthless.
Really positive stuff! I really deserve a Tony Robbins Positive Thinking Medal for this one! As part of my Business Coaching Course I have been working through these exercises that are designed to uncover “Unconscious Junk” such as this in our thinking. That is, 90%+ of our actions are controlled subconsciously we have a great deal of “Hidden Beliefs and Views” of the world that shapes our thinking and our actions. By bringing them to the conscious level, it really gives you a change to change them – so you don’t act or think like this anymore!
Don’t get me wrong, I am a friendly guy and I don’t put people down or anything like that – but if someone beats me too much it just bums me out. It got me thinking, no matter what area we have in our lives there is always people better and people worse! In fact, one of my good Trading Mentors Vic Noble advised me on how to correct this thinking. That is, you:
– Need to focus on your own personal best. That way you will always be improving.
Will you have the body of Hugh Jackman in Fitness? Will you own as much property as Donald Trump? Will you trade like George Soros? Will you have the connection to God as like Mother Theresa or Saladin? (An ancient Arab Leader known for his chivalry, against people that deserved the sword).
Maybe, maybe not. The thing that I am learning is that no matter what area we work in – chances are there are people on both sides of your success level! It taught me a good lesson, in that if you are “In competition with people” around you, you will always be a “Loser!” Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not advocating a hippie view, suggesting you start a commune, get high on marijuana or L.S.D or listen to Peace Songs – in fact I am suggesting quite the opposite.
That is, some of the top performers I know actually don’t care about people around them and having to beat them. Their focus is lifting their own personal best each day. In a day it may only lift say 0.5% – but after 100 days – that’s a 50% improvement! It’s time I stop “Keeping up with the Jones” and straining myself unnecessarily!
* Thanks to DVIDSHUB from Flickr for the image of the poor guy!
3 Responses
The business coaching course is onto something, Ed!
Us psychologists call it Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Your belief “If I am not the best, it means I am pathetic and worthless” is an example of a core belief that is unhelpful as you think and behave in ways to perpetuate the belief. It is unhelpful because it is distorted.
By challenging the unhelpful core belief into a more helpful belief (ie “I am good enough”) will lessen the tendency to become depressed (I am assuming this is the main feeling you experience with your core belief).
That is the bread and butter of my business: what are the messages we are telling ourselves that are hindering our progress?
Good for you for recognising such a junk thought before it’s too late!
Cheers
Bec
Hi Bec!
Wow it sounds similar to what I am doing. In about a year or so, I am doing my NLP certification which is very exciting!
Yes, my mind if full of junk. The hard bit, is I don’t consciously know about all the junk yet! Rats! 🙂
Edward Zia
Hi Ed
The junk is considered unconscious because it is automatic/habitual. Developing your self awareness of your junk aids bringing it to the conscious level. Some people are insightful about their junk but others need time to develop their self awareness.
To understand which core beliefs are junk we need to look for common themes in the automatic junk that goes through our heads.
For me a common core belief I have, that is junk, is “I am not important” and it could be speculated that it developed as I perceived that my mum never put me first and if I am not important to her then I am not important to anyone else. Well hasn’t that changed! As you know I have a son so I am important!
For you with your “I have to be the best” junk core belief, it could be hypothesised to have come about as a defense mechanism against the bullies in your childhood with a “I’ll show them” attitude. Or their taunts led you to internalise that you are not good enough.
Unfortunately our formative years growing up have a lot to do with the junk that develops.
Cheers
Bec